Well there are many quotes people use when things don't go your way to make you feel better. Primarily "everything happens for a reason". Which, I think, is true. But at that moment in time when your dreams get pulled out from underneath you all you want to know is why?
Which is exactly how I have felt many times. This time it's different though. Missing out on London 2012 because of having glandular fever and a visit to Intensive Care was hard enough and I vowed I wouldn't let anything stop me making the next games once I knew I had a chance of that in archery.
But what a roller coaster that has been to say the least. One with loop the loops and cork screws, big drops and sudden halts. Making the GB squad December 2013 was the perfect christmas present and I spend 2014 representing Great Britain in a number of international tournaments. Even winning a European Championships Bronze and breaking World Records.
But over the course of that summer I got ill, from a parasite I got in Bangkok in the March which hit my digestive system hard and the doctors even threatened feeding tubes at one point, which I refused, but that lead to a long road to recovery. I still can't eat a number of foods now. But I can eat!
Within days of recovering from that I re-broke my thumb ruling out the 2015 season. Many people saying everything happens for a reason of course and I used that to motivate me. A year where I had to rest and crack on with my college work. Before facing the season heading into the Olympics and Paralympics ready to earn my own place in the team this time round. But ... don't be silly Chloe, that isn't happening. A new injury threatened to rule me out of this years games, and that wasn't just a threat. The surgery I had 8 weeks ago secured my ticket out of the games, not on the flight to Rio.
Everyone again throwing the everything happens for a reason quote at me. Telling me how I don't want to go to Rio cause of the Zika virus. Which is true in a way, and I have an opportunity with the BBC which I wouldn't have got if I made the games. So there is the silver lining here for sure.
But everyone seems to forget that not only have I been working the last 4 years to get back into sport and make the Rio Games. I did the same thing before the London Games. 8 years out of a 20 years olds life spent trying to make the biggest sporting event ever. To not make it twice. But thats not just 8 years of my life. Thats 8 years of my family and friends lives too. All of which are backing me 110% to make it third time lucky to secure my place in the 2020 Games in Toyko.
Here is where I am going to be brutally honest though. It sucks, and it hurts. I am proud of every single person who made the ParalympicsGB Team. But every post and picture I see on social media is like salt in a wound. I'm the sort of person to be able to tell you I'm fine about all this, when underneath I want nothing more than to be doing exactly what every other team member are doing.
The kit measurements Paralympics GB asked for. The money saved for my family to join me. The medal the coach told me I would win there. All gone in the blink of an eye. Because that is how short life is, and why everyone should make the most of every second of the day and every opportunity presented to them.
I have spent the last 8 years dedicated to sport, but because I live with Muscular Dystrophy (a muscle wasting condition with no cure) I know what its like for things to change over night. To stay in ICU, to lose a 3rd of your muscle strength in 2 weeks etc etc. Living with a condition that makes me weak has only made me stronger.
So where am I at right now? Well I still ache inside about not making the Paralympic and I am petrified that I may not ever be able to shoot again and yes that is something that I would find hard. But it won't be the end. Because I also have 7 GCSE's A*-B, 6 A Levels of A* Equivalents and work placement at BBC Radio Bristol. For someone who has lost something that meant everything to them, I still have so much, and if I can do that, tell me this. Why can't you? Because there is no such thing as I can't, only I'll try!
I like to say there are no limits to what you can achieve unless you limit yourself. So no matter how many bumps in the road you face, the hardest roads are always the ones worth taking and if any point you don't think you are going in the right direction there are always turnings and roundabouts along the way.
Don't be afraid of change and challenges. It will all make you stronger and one day when someone says everything happens for a reason. You will look back and see exactly what they mean. The past is the past yes but sometimes you need to look back to see just how far you have come!